A little something something I just wrote. Hope you like:)

There is only one thing goal in life, only one true desire, love.

What is love?

Love is the first breath you take in the morning after a spring rain. When the world is renewed and awakening.

Love is the first cry a baby gives after being delivered from the safety and warmth of a mother’s womb.

To walk down the street, with someone holding your hand and look into your eyes. With all the love and devotion that one person can possible hold in their soul. To see that you are all that someone needs to have to complete them.

The other half of their heartbeat, a beat that is for you and you only.

True love will hold you and all you hold sacred safely in its arms day and night. Something that when you’ve aged and gotten grey, will still be strong and complete, as the day it first came to be.

Love is something that is given as a truly free gift.

A gift that I choose to give you, for you are my air, my substance and my being.

Big Momma has big hopes for love, for herself and for you! Keep your head up and your heart clear. It's there. Just let it come, don't force it. :)

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!

WOOO TGIF.

Big Momma had a long week! For whatever reason I cant get my butt up in the morning. The alarm goes off and Big Momma is snoozing till the last possible minute. Then Lil Momma and I are running around frantic to get ready to go to work and go to Pre School. Next week will be different ;) With any luck!

So today I went to see "Death at a Funeral" with a friend. It was a real good movie. Funnier then hell. Soooooo something I could see happening with Big Momma's family. Bad enough we got a Uncle that sings "Another One Bites The Dust" every time someone dies. When I tell you this, I know your gonna laugh. But Big Momma has the BIGGEST Redneck family in Up State NY. Picture this with me, LOL, ZZ Top poor, no teeth, drunk and or high. That's Big Momma's family.

My family w0uld soooo do some shit like that. Hid the dead midget in the coffin, and watched the high naked ass man on the roof thinking about killing himself or someone else. (In my family he would have a shot gun;) ) BUT the one thing that wouldn't happen is the secret keeping. Keeping one of those in my crazy ass family is like finding a Huge Cardinal Yellow Diamond. LOL. Not gonna happen unless your in Tiffany's. You go to a family reunion and you will see the family that mixes the races, (rock on ladies! get some more color in this family) and then the rest of them. The ones that glare and pick their tooth. LOL But you will here gossip and secrets from Texas. Followed by "You wont believe what I just heard. Don't tell anyone but......She slept with our cousin and got pregnant and had a abortion. NO she didn't realize that we are related. Well of course both their last names are the same. They just thought it was a different family. I know she's dumb as fuck. And still doing it after she found out that they were cousins. What the fuck is wrong with her! OH! Here she comes! Heeeeeyyyyyyy Cuz! How are things? Anything new?" True Story! This is why Big Momma eats only Chocolate. Cause I KNOW we aren't related! LMAO

Anyway as Big Momma's mind goes wondering off, I will let you laugh at my family. I do. It's okay. Maybe you can come to the next family event and laugh with me!

Really?

So I'm confused. Why is it that you want to keep yourself at one level and not try to achieve to get better?

I see people who walk around all the time trying to act better then what they are, not realizing that they aren't anything to begin with. Then they turn and JUDGE someone else. Are you kidding?

That's one thing Big Momma hates. More than anything. People who don't realize what they are. Or people who settle. And not work for something better.

There are people out there in this world who are more than happy to let their teeth rot out of their heads and live on welfare for ever. They drink and just have more and more kids without any worry about what is going to become of them.

What's wrong with working? With trying to achieve for better? Get educated and want to set a example for your children?

Sadly there are places that I wont take Lil Momma because of these people. People that sit in the park and scream at their children about how they are going to beat their ass or shut the fuck up. All these people who are living on welfare and not trying to do anything with their life but sit in the park and get drunk and high. Now I'm not trying to oppose doing your thing. Do it. But do it so my child doesn't have to see and or hear it. I want her to see the example of people playing with their kids in a loving manner and raising them to get a education and to do better then what they had growing up. That's the way it's supposed to be.

So why am I the only one that knows or thinks that? Maybe because Big Momma isn't a crackhead. And maybe because I'm educated. Or because I simply take a bath and brush my teeth. :)

Big Momma says that every one should 1) take a damn bath 2) brush your teeth 3) raise your children to be better than you. Don't encourage future ignorance. And Finally 4) Watch your fucking mouth in the god damn park. My daughter doesn't need to hear that shit!

Not playing games

Big Momma wonders how much bullshit one is supposed to deal with.

You would think at some point the adults would be that. Adults.

Big Momma is done trying to pretend it doesn't happen. Or that it doesn't bother her. So she's just not going to take it any more. I'm talking out and saying what I have to say. You don't like it? Suck my dick.

And as for CS Sperm Donor. Really? You think that buying a pair of sneakers that she wont ever see, will make up for the shit you have put her through? I don't think so. So you can take those sneakers and shove them up your ass.

A little on the serious side!

Okay so it's like really really nice out! And this works in Big Momma's favor in a big way. I'm still shooting the little clips and bits for my Biggest Loser video. I am praying every night to anyone that is listening that I get the opportunity to change my life. So if you know someone who knows someone Big Momma is a nice girl that would really really like to be on the show ;)

One of my few very close girlie's Princess is doing a great job filming for me. But let me tell you what. No matter how good of a friend the person is, it's hard to talk about how much you really weight and expose your self like that. I just count my blessings that I have friends like Princess, Blondie and Bushes. Ones that I know will support me no matter how big I am. I love you crazy beotches! There are many many other friends that are there for me as well. All of whom are wishing me luck to get on the show and telling me that they got my back. I love ya'll too! Big Momma wants to do this for a number of different reasons. And now she's gonna expose herself and tell you what they are!

Big Momma I'm sure like a ton of other men and women out there is a stress eater. And it doesnt take much to stress me out. For real though is that a surprise? I work 40hrs a week, raise a child by my self and am going to college. Who wouldnt get stressed over stupid shit? Maybe Superman or Wonderwoman of whom I am NOT. LOL. I have gone through things that I hope I only had to go through so that Lil Momma doesnt have to. Molestead as a child, raped and have had my share of abusive relationships. Whether they are emotional or physical. But I've held my own cause I take comfort in food. It doesnt put me down and it doesnt make me cry. When I go to get it, it's always there :) But now I'm not getting that same comfort. And I'm at a loss. I dont know what to do with my self. I have Lil Momma and she means the world to me. But I cant do the things with her that I want to. Because my weight holds me back. I'm fed up. So I'm taking a stand. I'm starting a diet at home. And I am applying for the Biggest Loser. I know if I get it, they will kick my ass and make me wish I had never applied. But there is nothing more that can happen to me that will be worse then what I have already gone through. So I'm keeping my head up and I'm sending my shit in and I'm trying to be a contestant.

For all the other people out there that are like me and take solace in food. Take solace in LIFE. Look around you and fully see what you missing. I see it. I'm missing going shoping with Blondie and Princess in the skinny stores and dragging them to the fat people stores with me. I am missing out on going to carnivals and riding rides with Lil Momma. And I'm missing out on the hundreds and thousands of things that I might enjoy but dont try cause of my weight.

So I toast to us. To the things we want to accomplish. And then things I know I will get to do in the years to come because I'm no longer a victim of my stress eating, I'm not a victim for anything!

More Changes for Big Momma

So Big Momma is making Big decisions. I'm applying for The Biggest Loser. Big Momma is trying to do things that will change my life. To allow me to live it to the fullest. And to do for Lil Momma like I should be able to do.

To be the roll model that she deserves. The role model that will be living in her house. That knows her and shows her what is within reach for any woman. A REAL woman that isn't in movies but in her life.

Wish me luck! I am ready to have Jillian bitch me out and for Bob to make me cry on National Television. I'm ready to play the game and lose weight and get healthy for the first time in my life.

Big Momma is ready to live life to the fullest and take advantage to all that is there.

Easter Weekend

Well it's Easter Weekend already. It sure does go by fast doesn't it. I feel like we just had Christmas.

We just got decorating eggs and my Lil Momma is in the bath. I'm getting slightly excited to hide eggs and get ready for her to see that the Easter Bunny came. Then we are off to my parents house for Easter Dinner with the family.

Big Momma has had a pretty amazing weekend. Spent some great time with my Best Girl in the whole world, Princess. Have you ever had a friend that you know you were meant to find? That's my Princess. We sat on her deck and watched Lil Momma and JR play in the Lake. LOL in the beginning of April in this retched town that doesn't have season's other than Winter and Hot as Hell. It's nice to see that I'm still needed other than as a mother.

Which leads me into my opinion for the weekend. Big Momma has been having it rough, feeling like my only roll is to just try to find the time in the day and get as much in as I can. And then there are others out there that have it so easy. Case in point:

Big Momma's baby daddy has now still not come around. He has still not come around, hasn't called in a while. I'm not sad about it. Actually I'm really happy about. What I'm NOT happy about is that he gets no repercussions. He has been out shopping and chillin and just doing him. Meanwhile my car is breaking down and I need new clothes and so does Lil Momma. So then I get renewal paperwork in the mail for our health insurance, Section 8 and what not. (Working full time and still having to need the Gov't to foot some of the bill is a bitch) I have to get proof that he's NOT paying his child support. So I talk to them and ask them what I need and then I ask the dreaded question. When can I expect it? The answer was like the other shoe falling on my half way good day. He applied for public assistance. The MF is getting assistance and doesn't have to pay his child support. So how does that work? You sell drug's, you get caught and go to jail. Then you get out and get Public Assistance. How the fuck does that work????? YES I SAID FUCK. I work 40 hrs a week at a job I totally hate. And I go to school to better my self so that I make more then nothing a hour. And I barely get enough assistance to make it through month to month. And not to start a pitty party. But Big Momma would like to be able to live more than check to check. But NOOOOOOOOOOO I have to do a million other things while this CS is out doing whatever he wants and not taking care of his responsibilities. So no lies. Big Momma was and still is a little pissed about that. I BUST MY ASS and have little to nothing to show for it. And this man is driving a new car fresh out of jail and buying new fitted's and Timm's and god only knows what else.

And what exactly does Big Momma think about this? I think it's bullshit that we are letting the felon's get all this shit. It's like we are congratulating the. Good job selling those drugs, getting caught and then being sent somewhere where you get three square meals, cable even though most people cant afford it and what ever else they get. Then let them come home and give them free money that I a hard working single mother get taking out of my taxes. BULL SHIT. He should be working and paying taxes just like me. And he should be taking care of his children. ALL OF THEM. Grimey MF.